How do you tell time at your house? Do you check your watch, glance at the clock, perhaps even note where the sun is in the sky? At our house, we seem to have created a different time-telling system all together. Everything is judged by whether it's "Before-Nap Time" or "After-Nap Time".

My pre-schooler places all planned activities firmly within those two categories. We eat lunch before naptime and watch Sesame Street after naptime. We take a bath before naptime, get dressed and "go to school" after naptime. (She hasn't quite sorted out the difference between afternoon naps and an overnight snooze.) We have, to say the least, a routine.

I used to think "routine" was a code word for "borrring". That was pre-kids. Now it's my sanity. Kids crave routine. Without it they are lost, unsure what to expect next, often stretched beyond their limits. Knowing pretty much what's going to happen, and when, is vital to their sense of security and inner well being. My daughter's learned to do it by pairing events with the routine anchor of her day: sleep.

I know this concept is somewhat controversial. Some believe parents should follow their child's lead, feed them only when they want, put them to bed only when they want, and so on. I understand that love and respect for each child's individuality supports such thinking, but I disagree with it.

From the very beginning, newborns seek the comfort a predictable routine brings. Their need isn't wrapped in time at this point. It starts with this mystical figure who magically appears whenever the baby's uncomfortable. He cries with a wet diaper, and someone brings him a nice dry one, every time. She cries with an empty belly, and someone provides warm sustenance that fills her. Over and over and over again, throughout the day and throughout the night, they need, and the need is filled. And in that process, they begin to trust. They learn, before there are words, that the world is a safe, loving and predictable place. They learn to tolerate discomfort, too, because experience has taught them that everything will be all right. This is of vital importance.

This knowledge, this lesson learned deep within the baby's being, becomes an anchor that holds her through the storms that always come later. As she grows she'll encounter, as we all do, many times when her needs are not met, or when something is really not ok. But the inner strength and discipline, the trust and security that was established from the very beginning, carries her through. One might say, in fact, that such is the beginning of faith.

What starts with a dry diaper, evolves into regular nap times, meal times, and eventually into set homework hours and weekly chores. Even teenagers, who seem to defy routine, respond to a regular "family night", or insist that you do Christmas dinner exactly the same way every year.

If you think about it, we adults need our routines as well. Who enjoys a surprise assignment from their boss? No one, because it upsets the routine. And who loves their cup of hot tea just before bed? Even at our age, routines are tiny rituals that bring comfort into chaotic lives. Do your kids a favor. Find ways to bring that comfort to them.

Copywrite ©1999 Wendy Pitts Reves.