The tragedies in Littleton and the close call here in Blount County have parents wondering how to protect their children. Parents and professionals wonder how we can identify children at risk, and how we can prevent further tragedies. Preventing violence at school and the community begins at home. Stopping these tragedies begins with the relationship between parents and children.

It must first begin by improving the ways parents and children communicate with one another. Families today are very busy. Parents are working; kids are involved with activities, or spending time with friends. Nevertheless, there needs to be time to communicate with the people we love. Unfortunately, when people are busy, they often use short cuts with communication. Parents tell their children what to do, or children tell their parents where they are going. The first thing that gets lost when people are busy is listening. Listening is the most important part of communication, because it allows you to find out if you understand what is being communicated. The feedback you receive from your children tells you whether or not they truly hear you.

Parents and children have to be able to dialogue with each other, to listen and understand each other's point of view. We sometimes forget that in our rush to make sure we tell our children all the things they need to know. We are often so concerned about getting our message across that we aren't patient enough to listen to our children.

What can you do to improve your communication with your child? First, identify what you need to do to get the result you want. Here's an exercise that might help.

Spend a moment remembering an adult who made you feel misunderstood, alienated, or unappreciated. It may have been a teacher, or parent or other adult. Picture them in your mind; hear them talk to you; think about exactly how they communicated with you. What was their tone of voice? What was the expression on their face? What did they do or not do?

Now spend a moment remembering an adult who made you feel understood and accepted, and who helped bring out the best in you. Picture them in your mind; hear them talk to you; think exactly how they communicated with you. What did they do? This exercise can help you identify ways of communicating that bring out the best in your children, as well as the things that tune them out.

Keep in mind your long-term goals for your children. Your children will learn best not by your telling them everything but by talking with you, getting your ideas, bouncing their ideas off of you, then making his or own decisions. You can help this process by making sure they have someone with whom they can communicate-someone who takes time to listen.

Copywrite ©1999 Linda Pucci.