The little girl sat on the floor of my office and talked in hushed tones about her daddy pointing a gun at her mother. She was 8 years old, and the pain and fear was etched on her face, even though this had happened six months earlier. She told me of focusing on the trigger and watching his finger tighten, and of her terror. He didn't pull the trigger, but he left an indelible memory with his daughter.

This child, like 3.3 to 10 million other children, has witnessed domestic violence in their homes. They have watched a parent they love hurt or threaten their other parent. They have lived in fear of being hurt themselves. The fear is justified, for children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or seriously neglected at a rate of 1500% higher than the national average.

hildren who are exposed to violence in their homes are at risk in several ways. They may become victims of physical abuse themselves. Sometimes the abuse occurs accidentally, when children are hit by something thrown at their mother. Sometimes they are also targets for the abuser's power/control/violence cycle, or they end up victims of overzealous "discipline"-battered and bruised. But the damage is much more serious than bruises.

These children are also at risk from the trauma of witnessing violence between people they love and depend on the most. Witnessing violence-not even being hit themselves-is experienced by young children as if the violence is happening to them, with all the terror and helplessness that involves. The place that is supposed to be safe, and the people that are supposed to be safe, instead create a traumatic, high-stress environment.

Research has shown that children who grow up in violent homes suffer serious consequences: the structure and chemical make-up of their brains becomes affected by the trauma, leading to limitations in their own ability to manage emotions. Children who witness violence often suffer signs of post-traumatic stress disorder or depression. They are often angry, impulsive children on the road to perpetuating the cycle of violence in their own relationships, either as victims, or as abusers themselves.

No one really knows if these consequences are reversible or not. We know that they are serious, damaging, and long-lasting. The younger children are, the longer they are exposed to violence, and the more severe the violence is, the greater the damage. However, even a single exposure to domestic violence may lead to serious damage.

Domestic violence has multiple victims. Children are the most helpless victims-they have no choices about being in the abusive home. If someone yells or hits or hurts in your home, consider the lasting impact this has on the children living there. Even if you don't get help for yourself, please get help for them--they depend on you!

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Maryville. She works with children, adolescents and adults in individual and family therapy. She is Board Certified as an Expert in Traumatic Stress. Linda can be reached at 983-7544.

Copyright ©2000 Linda Pucci.