"What would a fulfilling life be like for you?" When I ask this question during personal coaching, my clients begin to dream. Asking questions about the concept of fulfillment takes us beyond ideas about things to buy or what to change about our jobs. It focuses us on how we want to LIVE. Instead of capturing a single thing that makes us "fulfilled," it directs us toward the PROCESS of how we are living.

The dreams clients describe of a fulfilling life are as unique and individual as the people who think about this question. For some, the dreams involve serenity, for others security, for still others adventure. Often there is some combination of things that compose the dream. Usually the way you answer this question depends upon your values. Your values are what define you as an individual. Your values define what is important to you and what is not. Despite the fact they are sometimes used interchangeably, values are not the same as morals. Although you may have a value to live in a moral or ethical way, values themselves are neither right nor wrong. You could have a value for spirituality, you could have a value for adventure, or you could have a value to be recognized. No value is inherently better than another.

What is important is how we honor our values. How much do we live in the ways that are important to us? When we honor our values, and live according to the values we hold dear, there is an internal feeling of "rightness." When we don't honor our particular values, our lives may feel discordant, "out of synch," and unfulfilled.

When looking to live a more fulfilling life, it simply makes sense to first identify your most prized values. Think about what is important to you in your life: your career, your health and physical body, your relationships, your personal development, your physical environment, your mind, and your spirit. For example, do you value fitness or good health? Do you want intimacy or trust in your relationships? Do you value creativity or growth? How important is integrity or spirituality? Do you value being recognized? How important is security?

Determine which values are most important to you. Trust yourself to know what your values are, and accept them as right for you. Don't worry about whether your values are different than someone else's.

A major step towards creating a fulfilling life is our willingness to trust ourselves. We are all experts about ourselves and we know what is right for us. For example, I recently bought a horse, despite having a value towards simplifying my life, and knowing all the reasons it wasn't practical. I realized that adding Ginger to my life served several of my values--serenity, growth, adventure, giving love, developing satisfying friendships, spirituality, and beauty. I definitely believe the joy I experienced riding in the mountains brought fulfillment, and I smile every time I think about it.

Taking time to examine your values and how you are honoring them points you toward fulfillment. When you examine ways to make your life more fulfilling, you can then make choices about changes you want to make. Remember, each time you move toward making your life more congruent with your values, you are living in a more fulfilling way.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Maryville at Cove Mountain Counseling. Linda can be reached at 865-983-7544 or through www.covemountaincounseling.com.

Copyright ©2001 Linda Pucci.