"I know I should let him do that more…" she says to me. We watch her five-month old, a plump, healthy, happy little boy, struggle on the soft blanket at our feet. He's on his belly and doing great, holding his head up high and strong. Though he seems proud and interested in the view from this new angle, he soon tires and begins to get frustrated. He'd really rather be on his back, but hasn't yet learned that he can make that happen. "He's gonna have to learn sometime…it's just, I have a hard time watching him get so frustrated." As if on cue, this happy child turns bright red, dissolves into loud, angry tears, and Mom moves to pick him up.

Isn't that how it always is? From the very beginning we watch our children grow with both joy and trepidation. We're thrilled when they learn to roll over on their own, then worry they'll roll themselves right off the couch. We can't wait for those first steps- then we worry they'll toddle right down a flight of stairs. We dream of their walk across the stage at graduation, then worry about what they'll do next with their lives. Watching them grow up is exciting- and absolutely terrifying. We worry that each new challenge might be too much, that they might not be ready, that there's danger just around the bend and they might get hurt.

And you know what? We're right. All those things are true. And yet we have to let them grow up anyway. We can't stop it from happening and probably wouldn't really want to. We just want it to be easier for them, because we love them so much. But growing up isn't easy, and never has been. Regardless of individual circumstance, all children sooner or later run into bullies, experience failure, suffer loss or a broken heart. The best we can do is give them as much practice as possible, as early as possible, at facing-and overcoming-difficulty.

This does not mean we set out to make our kids' lives harder just so they can "toughen up". It does mean that when an obstacle falls naturally in their path, we let them handle it as much as is reasonably possible. We can coach, teach, guide, and suggest how they might approach a problem, but we can't, and shouldn't, solve it for them.

When your toddler throws the shoe she can't seem to get on, hand it back to her, tell her you know she'll figure it out, and encourage her to try again. Find ways to say this over and over as she grows. "I don't know how you'll solve this problem, but I have faith in you and I know you can do it." With younger children, teach by giving very specific suggestions, then allowing them to try again. With older kids, and teens in particular, your advice is the last thing they want. Your faith in them, however, is absolutely critical.

Letting your child bump into problems isn't nearly as mean as it feels. Rescuing them, as if you don't believe they have what it takes to figure out solutions is. My friend and colleague, Melanie McGhee, says this. "You have to lend them a cup of faith, your faith, until they have enough to fill a cup of their own." They will gain that faith by finding their own way through those daily struggles, over and over again.